New job, new jargon

It is official. I am a number. 698 to be precise.

Week one of the new job is now firmly tucked under my belt, along with the quality offerings of the cafeteria (in a somewhat less firm, tummy-jiggling way). On Tuesday afternoon I almost swan-dived from the third floor window from the sheer boredom of the induction, but by Wednesday I was getting down to some work and got back to chewing my pen rather than my proximal phalanx.

I must say, coming from a company employing 5 people to one that employs almost everyone in Edinburgh is something of a culture shock. I feel like I'm back at school - although this is most likely exacerbated by the fact that the cafeteria has big long tables and I've been washing down my lunch with a carton of milk. I actually felt 'shy' (curb your laughter please, it does happen to me occasionally) for the first couple of days.

I have to wear a security pass (with a photo that makes my hair look positively yellow and my complexion like that of a long-term heroin addict. The photo does, however, boast a particularly nice smile that detracts from the other stuff. Thank goodness for small mercies). I have to clock in and out at lunchtimes and use my security pass to pay for lunch. The first thing I did on day one was to check the intranet to find out what and where I get discount. It turns out I am now entitled to 20% off at my hairdresser - bonus.

All my colleagues are very, very nice and pretty darn funny. As of yet, no one has revealed themselves to be a nutter. They do all talk in acronyms though and I'm finding that a bit baffling. I imagine it's not too dissimilar to being in government during the FDR administration. Apart from that, I can't believe how much easier this job is than my last one and the fact that I'm being paid so much more for doing it - big fat bonus.

Last Saturday night was good fun (for the most part). Sam cooked dinner at his flat for me, Ali G, Ali Al-J, Helen, Antonio and Anabel. He made a top-notch cassoulet, and poached pears for dessert. The banter was very interesting and I felt somewhat overwhelmed by the intellectual content. I responded (as I always do in such situations) by drinking copious amounts of red wine. When the red wine ran out, I moved onto whisky - putting a serious dent in Sam's collection of malts. Never a good move. Flashbacks on Sunday lead me to believe I got so pished I attempted to "hold court" (cringe, cringe) and moved from topic to topic with the speed of a gazelle and the clarity of John Prescott. At 4:30 am I was challenging Ali G to a "whisky-downing" contest. Thankfully, Sam stopped me and put me to bed.

I woke up some four hours later in a thoroughly deep state of remorse (oh yeah, and sick as a dog). The post-binge self-loathing and guilt kicked in. Sam received a text about me being "an unholy mess of a girl(???)", while Mog got one that simply said: "I am dead. Charity donations to AA in lieu of flowers". By 6pm that evening, things were definitely better. Sam and I went to the Cameo to see Capote. It was excellent - definitely one of the best films I've seen in the last few years.

On Monday night, after my first day of work, I met up with Mog, Moranna, Laura and Jo for some eats and drinks at Sygn. Deb couldn't make it as her one good lung was playing up, which was a real pity cause I haven't seen her for ages. On Tuesday, I had my first stint of babysitting for Ella. Leanne and Craig took themselves out for a meal and a couple of drinks. Ella didn't make a peep all night (she is truly the best baby ever!) and I told Leanne this when she called at 11pm to ask for a wee bit longer. "She is still alive though, right?" she asked. I hadn't checked on her until this point and did so when I got off the phone. The bedroom was really dark and I couldn't see her cot so it took me quite a while to locate her. When I did she was making little baby breathing sounds (so sweet) so I went back to watching TV.

Cartons of milk, feelings of shyness and evenings spent babysitting - I do indeed feel like a 14 year old again. Next thing you know I'll be sporting an alice band.