Smuggling and cuddling

We left a bright and sunny Auckland and touched down in a humid and wet Cairns. My tactic for getting my passport stamped on the page I wanted finally paid dividends and I felt really pleased with myself.

I felt even more pleased for myself when I was treated to the unexpected comedy of Sinead's bag being singled out by the Sniffer Dog. Shin doesn't like dogs ("I'm no animal lover Lis!" and her face was a picture when Sam the Sniffer Dog and his Nazi Handler decided they needed to check her bag. There was loud sighing, unmistakable body language and some 'what a complete waste of time. muppets!' head shaking. The Handler asked Shin if she'd been carrying any lavender seeds in her bag and I had to stifle my giggles. Sinead's eyebrows did a few Mexican waves before she (caustically) answered: "Lavender seeds? Eh, no - I don't think so." "What's this?" the Handler enquired. "That would be a chocolate bar. The sniffer dog found a chocolate bar Lis, fancy that!"

We got sent over to Customs for a bag search. I'd decided not to declare Snowball - the wooden turtle I purchased in Aitutaki for the purpose of adding to my menagerie of carved animals (I only have 3 - including Snowball - and I don't intend to get anymore lest I become one of those weird 'collector' people who have too many cats, plants, Royal Doulton dolls or heads in their freezer). Anyway, it's just a wooden turtle souvenir and I couldn't really be bothered with the hassle so I just ticked 'No' on the form.

The Customs Officer opened up my bag and pulled Snowball out. Sinead shook her head and distanced herself from me. Holding Snowball by his head right in front of my face, the Customs Officer said "You need to declare this." "Oh? Oh! Oh, I totally forgot about that." I started smiling enthusiastically and made my eyes go even bigger. "I'm really sorry. I totally forgot." I put my hands to my face in a fiddle-de-dee gesture. The Customs Officer fetches a Government leaflet and goes through it with me. "Right. I see. I can completely understand. Really? Of course. Absolutely. I'm terribly sorry. Have a nice day." "You too dear. Enjoy your holiday!" Sinead is still shaking her head. "You're a bloody nutcase, Lis. I saw you feigning great interest in her leaflet. Getting into Australia might be a bit more difficult for you next time. Ha ha ha."

We checked into the Bohemia Resort. Nice. Another decent shower and a hairdryer. Although the beds are on wheels and the room has a tiled floor so every time I sit down I roll about 3 feet. It's absolutely pouring outside so we're in no hurry to get changed and go out. I'm setting up my beauty counter in the bathroom when Shin calls me out frantically. I figured there was a spider or a crocodile in the room, but it turns out to be something even more unbelievable.

"It's Oprah, Lis. Bloody Oprah." I don't believe it. She's only been talking about Oprah since we left. We get settled down to watch. It gets better. That Gayle woman is on the show and I can totally see why the rumours exist. They're reclining on chairbeds in front of the studio audience and talking about their experience at the Spa. At the ad break we find out the show is called 'Oprah and Gayle's Spa Adventure', Sinead is laughing so hard those little tears are running down her cheeks again.

Oprah and Gayle are exercising to gay anthems with a group of 'lucky viewers' they are celebrating as 'America's Women Warriors of 2008'. "Oh my God Shin. This couldn't be more gay if the Village People were working out with them." Shin laughs, "They just about are. Look Oprah's all dressed up as an army chief and Gayle's got her sweat bands on." "This is hilarious. I can't believe this is on."

Just then we turned and looked at each other reclining on our own beds. I was lying in my pants and Shin was wrapped in a towel toga style - and we both had our specs on. We burst out laughing and through the giggling Shin managed to say: "Check us, Lis. We're more gay than them. Look at us! With our specs on like a couple of literary lesbos. Ha ha ha - this is too funny. I was laughing so hard I started to choke.

We went out in the pouring rain and booked onto a Great Barrier Reef snorkeling and scuba trip for Sunday then went back to the Resort to cook up dinner on one of the self service BBQs. Shin beat me at pool - twice. It turns out, I'm only good at it when my Dad points to exactly the part of the ball I should hit.

Whilst booking the Great Barrier Reef tour, I - magpie-like - caught sight of a leaflet showing someone cuddling a Koala. "I'm going to do that tomorrow," I told Shin. Sinead said she wouldn't be cuddling any disease-ridden Koalas but she'd come with me for the trip. At 0930 the next morning, we caught the Kuaranda Scenic Railway up to the Tablelands rainforest. It was a really enjoyable trip with some good stuff to see along the way. Our favourite spot of the day was a 70-year old woman who looked a lot like me. "Lis, that'll be you in 45 years! Quick stand close to her and I'll get a picture." I did and we laughed all the way to the Koala cuddling.

The Koala was so cute and the pics are great. I thought briefly about trying to smuggle it out of Australia but decided that it might be difficult to get a plentiful supply of Eucalyptus in the UK. I think I'll just look for one on EBAY instead.