This is my last tale of 2006 and it happened today as I was on my way to have my annual boozy Hogmany lunch with Mog. The table was booked for one o'clock at Vermillion, and I was running late.
I left my flat wearing jeans, knee-high brown leather riding boots, a black velvet jacket, my grey silk scarf and my new red hat. Very smart, I thought. I walked down the street and turned on to Easter Road. A man jogged up behind me, slightly out of breath. He was Asian, about 35 years old and carrying a couple of shopping bags.
He started asking me something, I'd assumed it was for directions but I was really struggling to make anything out of it. I grasped only random words: "I saw you... my wife and I ...three-piece suite ... would you be interested?"
"I'm sorry," I said, "but I really didn't get any of that."
He paused for breath and started again.
"I saw you coming out of Scorpio Leisure ..." (Scorpio Leisure being the Sauna/Massage Parlour on my street.)
Suddenly it all became clear, they weren't trying to sell me a three-piece suite at all!
"Oh no no no no," I quickly interrupted him, "I live next to Scorpio Leisure, but I certainly don't work there."
"Oh ... right. Er ... I'm sorry."
"No worries. Erm ... Happy New Year to you ... and er ... to your wife."
I arrived at The Scotsman a bit flustered. I wonder how much he'd have offered?
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I am now slightly jealous that I have never had the opportunity to label any of my posts with the tag "threesome", even in semi-jest. Damn you, propriety!
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